Pretentious Hamburger Helper

Today we are making pretentious hamburger helper. As I am sure you figured out from the title, it is just like hamburger helper, only it has a larger ego. It also tastes better. While this may not be quite a quick as actual hamburger helper, it does not take much effort at all, and there is not one step in this recipe that could be called difficult. I promise. Pinky swear, even. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. Although not really, because that sounds painful. Unlike this recipe, which sounds delicious. Cheesey and delicious.

Ingredients: Flour, Milk, Pasta, A Pepper, Cheddar Cheese, Hamburger Meat, Butter

Also: Parmesan Cheese, Bread Crumbs (Not Pictured: Mustard)

So, first things first, boil some water and add the pasta. See, not hard. Just like I promised.

While the water is boiling and the pasta is cooking we can get going on the rest of this crazy stuff. Let's start it off by browning the hamburger. Adding salt and pepper sounds like a fun plan. You can do that as well.

Now grate some cheese (lots and lots of cheese)

And cut up a pepper. Or more than one. Depends on how much pepper you like. I think we ended up using between one and a half and two. Because we like peppers. Do you like peppers?

Now we can make our cheese sauce. Start off with a roux. Melt butter in a pot then add an equal amount of flour. Butter! Hoorah! Now whisk the butter and flour together.

Add some milk to that. Because then you can pretend it is healthy.

Now add that grated cheese. Yes, all of it. In fact, go grate some more. That is not nearly enough. In fact, you may even need to go buy some more. You can never have enough cheese.

I would suggest adding salt and pepper at this point. Especially pepper.

And mustard. Along with providing an awesome color, mustard adds a much needed depth to the taste of your Hamburger Helper.

So this is the exciting part. Butter a casserole dish and start dumping everything in there. We did the peppers first, then the hamburger.

We did it in that order because there is always too much pasta. That's okay though, you can fill up the dish and then...do something...with the rest. It's up to you what you do.

Now pour the sauce over it all and mix it together. Leave no noodle un-cheesed!

Now give us a nice coating of parmesan cheese

And some bread crumbs

Now dot that with butter. That's the best part, so make it good. Now that you have done that, stick it in the oven for a bit. So the butter can melt and the peppers can cook a bit.

This is what it looks like when it's cooked.

That's what the inside looks like after the short stint in the oven.

And that is what it look like on a plate with some salad. Eat this and appreciate how much better it is to be pretentious.


Pretentious Hamburger Helper

Pasta
6 Tablespoons Butter
6 Tablespoons Flour
1 1/2 cup Milk
3 (or more) Cups grated Cheese
1/2 Teaspoon Mustard
1/2 Pound Hamburger Meat
1 (or more) Pepper
Parmesan Cheese
Bread Crumbs

Boil pasta in water. Melt butter in a sauce pan and whisk in flour. Whisk in milk and let thicken for about a minute. Stir in cheese and mustard. Brown hamburger meat. Cut up pepper. Stir pasta, cheese sauce, meat and pepper in a casserole dish. Top with bread crumbs and parmesan cheese and dot with butter. Put the dish in a 300 degree oven for about 10-15 minutes. Enjoy.

Sweet and Sour Chicken (It's almost as good as Jesus!)

Oh my, would you look at that! It's chicken! Now, I realize that you probably could just order some sweet and sour chicken from the nearest Chinese place, but come on now, this is so much better. Also, you don't have to worry about MSG, or any other additives because you made it yourself. Yay healthy! (not really, but we can pretend)

Here's what you'll need: Pineapple, butter, ginger, cornstarch, rice vinegar, chicken stock/broth (they're the same thing, really), sugar, soy sauce, a pepper (we have a very funny looking pepper. Vegetables are better when they are funny looking.)

Melt some butter. Do it quickly. Or not. I don't really care. But do it in a big pot.

While the butter is melting (or before), drain the canned pineapple. But keep the juice. We will use it later. Of course, you could drain the juice down the sink, but then you would have to get yourself some more pineapple juice. Or, you know, whatever...

Now cut up your pepper. Do it. Now. Please?

And the pineapple for that matter. It should be about half or a quarter of the size of the chunks in the can.

Thats chicken broth. You should put it in the pot.

Also pineapple and peppers.

See that. Thats pineapple and peppers and such. Then simmer it, for say, five minutes... Also, see that black dot in the middle of the pot? That is essential for it to cook properly. So go find a black dot.

Pour in sugar. See? Also pour in the pineapple juice, rice vinegar, ginger and throw in some salt.

Now let that simmer a bit (35 minutes) while you coat some chicken in seasoned flour. It will be worth it, I promise.

And cook that chicken in butter
Butter!

Look at that butter, that chicken, that butter! Can't get much better than that!

Thats a cornstarch, chicken stock, soy sauce mixture. Yes, it looks gross.

Pour it on in the pot. I love that word. So succinct! So funny sounding! Pot, pot pot pot pot pot. But not marajuana. Hugs not drugs.

Pour the sauce on the chicken then serve it on rice. Le riz. Thats French. Its ever tastier that way. Because if you say something in French it is ten times more delicious. Bon appetit!

Sweet and Sour Chicken

2 Tablespoons Butter
1 Cup Chicken broth
1 Pepper, diced
1 Can Pineapple, diced
3/4 Cup Pineapple Juice
1/2 Cup Rice vinegar
1/2 Cup Sugar
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
1/4 Teaspoon Ground ginger
2 Tablespoons Cornstarch
1/2 Cup Chicken Broth
2 Tablespoons Soy sauce


Melt butter, add chicken broth, pepper and pineapple, simmer for 5 min. Add pineapple juice, vinegar, sugar, salt and ginger, simmer for 35 min. Stir together cornstarch, chicken broth and soy sauce in a small bowl. Stir into sauce, let simmer for 5 more minutes before serving on chicken that has been covered in seasoned flour and cooked in butter. (and on rice)

Cheese Green Pepper (Stuffed Pepper numero tres)

This is a cheese green pepper. It tastes good because it has cheese in it. This pepper has five types of cheeses stuffed inside of it along with some chicken. Bawk Bawk Chicken. This recipe makes only one stuffed pepper, so if you desire more than one of these delicious beauties you should do some multiplication. It's not that hard I promise. I will even let you use a calculator if you are that pathetic...

Ingredients: Mozzerella cheese, Provolone cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, Medium/Sharp(any degree of cheddar really depending upon your taste) Cheddar cheese, Parmesan cheese, Ricotta cheese and chicken.
Mix the cheddar, Monterey jack, and Parmesan cheeses together.

Spoon the ricotta cheese into the bowl and then mix all of the cheeses together.

Next, throw some chicken on top of this mixture.

Now stuff the cheesiness into a pepper.

You know what this pepper needs now? CHEESE, so grate some and then garnish the pepper hole with it.

Bake the pepper wrapped in foil for forty five-fifty minutes and then unwrap it and eat it unless you prefer it with the foil on. I do not recommend eating aluminum foil or any other type of foil. Please spare your digestive track such torture.

Cheese. Green. Pepper. Chicken.


Cheese Chicken Stuffed Peppers

1/4 cup each Parmesan, Monterey jack, cheddar and mozzarella cheeses
3/4 cup ricotta cheese
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast
1 green pepper

Mix all the cheeses and chicken in a bowl. Stuff them into the pepper hole of your de-gutted pepper. Wrap in aluminum foil and bake at 350 degrees for 45-55 minutes. Unwrap and serve warm and delicious.

Pseudo-Chicken Tetrazzini Pepper (Stuffed pepper numero dos)

This is titled pseudo chicken tetrazzini because it uses rice instead of noodles. But come on now, do you really want noodles in your peppers? Well, I suppose that if you do you can substitute noodles for the rice. But you won't get any sympathy from me when it is really weird and you don't want to eat it. This recipe is enough to fill one pepper, so it is quite a bit smaller than our rainbow chicken tetrazzini recipe. If you want more, go look at it. (http://theocake.blogspot.com/2008/03/chicken-tetrizini-its-rainbow.html)
Or else you can multiply the recipe on this page.
Now go forth and eat some peppers.


Ingredients: Red Pepper (although any color works, they all taste about the same), Chicken, Butter, Flour, Rice, Cooking Sherry, Heavy Cream, Salt, Pepper, and Chicken Broth.
Make yourself a roux with the butter and flour. Throw some cream in there as well. Just because you can.


Now add some chicken broth. But not just because you can this time, this time do it because you have to.

Now add some sherry. You don't actually want very much, so be careful. Too much sherry equals people getting drunk off stuffed peppers. Or something like that. Also, you see that pot behind the one we are adding sherry to? There is a chicken breast boiling in there. You should do that.

You should also cook some rice. Rice rice rice is nice nice nice. It looks like lice!(it doesn't taste like lice...or really resemble it for that matter...)
Also, scoop out the innards of your pepper. Pepper innards don't taste good with this dish. In fact, they don't taste good with anything.

Now toss that sauce you made into a bowl. Add some chickens. And some rice. You can decide the exact ratio of sauce to chicken to rice. The ones in the recipe below are simply suggestions.

Now shove it in that pepper. Shove it in there good.

You know what would be good on this pepper? Some breadcrumbs. And some parmesan cheese. Yes, that would be real good. Lets do it.

In fact, lets dot that sucker with butter. And lets also realize that this pepper looks way prettier in real life. Don't be so dang judgmental.

See now...this is what it looks like after some time in the oven, wrapped in aluminum foil. I like aluminum foil. Lets all take a moment and do an aluminum foil dance.


This is what the inside looks like. Yes, I realize it looks like porridge. Eat it anyway. You won't be sorry.


Psuedo-Chicken Tetrazzini Pepper

1 red pepper
1 boiled/cooked chicken breast
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon flour
1/6 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup chicken broth
1 teaspoon sherry
1/2 cup cooked rice
bread crumbs
parmesan cheese

Make a roux with the butter and flour.Pour the heavy cream in to the roux and then the chicken broth after it is all well mixed in.Next, pour the sherry into the mixture.Cut the chicken into cubes.Combine the chicken,the sauce,and the rice.Stuff the pepper with the combined ingredients. Sprinkle bread crumbs and cheese on the opening of the pepper and dot with butter.Bake the pepper wrapped in aluminum foil for thirty-forty five minutes. Bake it at 350 degrees. Eat and enjoy when the stuffed pepper is done baking.